On the way to the hospital at 5 am
When we got the call five days ago that it was time for CJ to have his first surgery and start on a new road we have not traveled before, my initial reaction was panic and I thought (and cried), "I am not ready."
I talked to Tim on the phone because he was traveling and I said,"but we have not prayed enough about this." He reminded me that we have been praying about this since before CJ was born. He was right, of course: we started praying about it almost a year ago exactly, after the first ultra sound that revealed a possible cleft lip.
Then I talked to my Dad and he encouraged me that though I love him so deeply now and I would keep his precious smile unchanged, it would not be the best for him. If we did not do the surgery, he would eventually not thrive and likely face health problems, some of which could be critical. So again, there I was saying, "yes, you are right."
What once seemed so far off was now rapidly becoming our reality. People had said to me I would learn to love his cleft and miss it ... I thought, "no way, not me." Of course as with so many things I have proclaimed with such certainty, I had to take back my words. I love that boy and that cleft and I am going to miss all that has been special about it.
The week was filled with calls and errands for preparation. One of the first calls/texts that went out was to our amazing praying friends. God knows exactly what we need, of course: that was also the morning of the week where I was host a Bible study at our house, so i was immediately covered in prayer. I'm sure you could guess the topic already prepared for that day: the fruit of the Holy Spirit--Peace. God says in the book of Psalms all your days were ordained for you before one of them came to be. It was hard to concentrate on the study that day, but I did have that peace that surpasses all understanding.
I was also tying up all the loose ends for Kyle's 4th birthday party for that same Friday evening of what was now Surgery Day -- a day that would start with us getting up at 4am. We had scheduled the party a month beforehand. We thought about canceling the party, but Kyle was so looking forward to it and being the middle child he gets swept along with everything else that is going on and rarely gets the spotlight. So Marmi, Joe Joe, Noel and Steph took on a gaggle of 4 year olds at Monkey Joe's and had a great time and did a fantastic job standing in. Thank you all for making a 4 year old's year! And also for helping us to feel less guilty because we knew he was in excellent hands.
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Prepping for surgery |
The peace of the Lord was upon me the day of the surgery and I was surprisingly not feeling anxious. Our pastor and friend Gabe was at the hospital with us at 5:30 am and stayed to pray with us and give us encouragement until CJ's surgery was well underway. Then almost immediately after Gabe left, Katherine (a sweet sister in the Lord) showed up also to pray with us and encourage us. I need to brag on the Body of Christ at our church for a moment. I feel like you all are a shining example of how the church should work in prayer, love and service to each other. Truly showing one another love in the trench warfare of life.
So though the three hour-plus surgery was a pretty lengthy procedure for a six month old (or anyone, I think)m the waiting time actually went by pretty quick. When we met with the doctor, he seemed very pleased with the outcome. He literally had a spring in his step and a sparkle of excitement in his eye (not that he was dour or rude before, but clearly he felt very good about how things went). He walked through how he had repaired the soft palate and uvula, and had done a partial repair on the lip intended to let the muscles develop in a way that when he makes further repairs everything should settle in nicely for the rest of his life.
When CJ was starting to wake, the hospital staff brought us back to Recovery. The first thing I heard even before I saw my little man was a high pitched yelping sound, almost like a dog that got his tail stepped on. When I realized it was CJ the tears and prayers began to flow. One of the many reasons it was so shocking to see CJ in so much pain is his extremely high pain threshold: with vaccination shots and the natural head bonkings in life and such, he has displayed minimal reaction, so minimal at times I have wondered if he had that birth defect where he lacked pain receptors. Now I have no doubt he has pain receptors. He laid in my arms for hours like a dead weight, eyes closed, tears streaming down his little face and moaning in pain. They would give him morphine every two hours and he would settle for about ten minutes and then be in pain moaning again.
The Lord also blessed us to have my wonderful friend Dianne come and sit with us. From the time she laid hands on him and prayed, he stopped crying. While Dianne sat with me and CJ, Tim was able to run to Target and get additional socks and a neck roll for CJ, and Dianne helped me to eat my delicious salad she had thoughtfully brought to spare me from hospital food. After about eight hours CJ began to settle a bit, but still was not close to taking any milk. The Doc would like us to feed him out of the side of him mouth that does not have the stitches, this really makes him angry since he would drink right out of that cleft before.
Our night nurse was great, she made a cozy little nest for him in the crib, that let us free our hands and Tim and I would take turns standing next to the crib singing to him and gently rubbing his head. Keeping CJ's hands away from his face was also a huge challenge.So though the three hour-plus surgery was a pretty lengthy procedure for a six month old (or anyone, I think)m the waiting time actually went by pretty quick. When we met with the doctor, he seemed very pleased with the outcome. He literally had a spring in his step and a sparkle of excitement in his eye (not that he was dour or rude before, but clearly he felt very good about how things went). He walked through how he had repaired the soft palate and uvula, and had done a partial repair on the lip intended to let the muscles develop in a way that when he makes further repairs everything should settle in nicely for the rest of his life.
When CJ was starting to wake, the hospital staff brought us back to Recovery. The first thing I heard even before I saw my little man was a high pitched yelping sound, almost like a dog that got his tail stepped on. When I realized it was CJ the tears and prayers began to flow. One of the many reasons it was so shocking to see CJ in so much pain is his extremely high pain threshold: with vaccination shots and the natural head bonkings in life and such, he has displayed minimal reaction, so minimal at times I have wondered if he had that birth defect where he lacked pain receptors. Now I have no doubt he has pain receptors. He laid in my arms for hours like a dead weight, eyes closed, tears streaming down his little face and moaning in pain. They would give him morphine every two hours and he would settle for about ten minutes and then be in pain moaning again.
The Lord also blessed us to have my wonderful friend Dianne come and sit with us. From the time she laid hands on him and prayed, he stopped crying. While Dianne sat with me and CJ, Tim was able to run to Target and get additional socks and a neck roll for CJ, and Dianne helped me to eat my delicious salad she had thoughtfully brought to spare me from hospital food. After about eight hours CJ began to settle a bit, but still was not close to taking any milk. The Doc would like us to feed him out of the side of him mouth that does not have the stitches, this really makes him angry since he would drink right out of that cleft before.
The string you see was a suture that went all the way through his tongue so if his airway became
blocked they/we could pull on the string to get his tongue out of the way. Tim called it the 'dog leash.' This seamed to bother CJ at first, until he made it his friend and would chew on it and play with it in his mouth. After they removed it the next day, he clearly missed it and was looking for it. We have heard stories about people allowing little children to make life decisions because they seam to like something -- if we did follow that "wisdom" CJ would have a piercing on his tongue right now he could play with. Uggh.
Every time time pain meds would start to wear off he would scream in pain and tense up his whole body. It was a long night. Thank you for all the prayers of comfort. When morning came Tim got the first smile, that was so sweet ... and then it very quickly turned to screaming. He was getting antsy so we wheeled him around the halls in a wagon filled with blankets and pillows. Tim pulled the wagon, I trailed behind with the IV. He liked that for a little while, then we tried the swing which did not really work out between the IV and the oxygen monitor and him being a chunky little monkey ... the swing offered little comfort.
Big man in a little seat; I could barely got his seat belt on with those chunker legs!
Finally around 2:30 he drank 4 ounces of bottle so they started the process of releasing us from the hospital, and we had him home shortly after 4pm.
Now the long road to recovery. This will be hard on all of us. For the next four weeks we have to keep his hands covered. so he doesn't stick his hands in his mouth and bust open the stitches. My sweet Friend Noel sewed together the hands of some footie jammies, so he will have protected hands. I give him some hands free time too. Although covered has or not he still finds a way to get something in his mouth. It will be a miracle if we can get through this with out anything busting open. So now we are home doing life.
In an earlier post I made reference to Kirsten (6 1/2) having a little surgery to remove a blood vessel. The pathology report came back with irregular cells, so they sent it out again for an expert opinion and the expert says the same thing as the first report. Kirsten will have to have another surgery before Christmas to see if there are any more irregular cells. The Doctor says in 25 years of practice he has never seen a 6 year old with melanoma but even though it is rare it can happen. Lately the Spolars specialize in rare. Please pray for Kirsten.
We are running this race, a marathon not a sprint, with perseverance, hope and faith ... that in all of this God would be glorified. We know God has great plans for our family. It helps me to think that God has a reason for all of this and somehow He will use it for our good and His Glory and for the good of the Body of Christ. All of this is not futile. We just have to remember everyday that he is at work and all the troubles of this world are preparing us for the future weight of Glory.
 The Hospital gave him a monkey he loves, in his cozy nest. |
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